I feel like summer needs to slow the FUCK down. I got out in May, and the first two weeks were so bad because i honestly didn’t know what to do. I was just laying at home, and honestly i'm the type of person that constantly needs to be doing something. Every time my brothers gf would ask me what my plans were for the day, and i'd say “nothing”, i'd feel a bit of an embarrassment rush through my body. That's just my human nature. I either have to be running, volunteering, doing homework, or hanging out with friends. If i'm not doing any of the above, i get sad. Don’t ask me why.
Anyways, this whole summer has turned out unexpectedly. Even before it started i was like yes, it would be so dope to get a job and take two classes and beast.
And somehow i ended up kind of doing that. I’m not even trying to brag one bit. I’m just saying that life really was unexpected and fell into place. I guess it was fate. Yesterday at the Carlos Santana concert, he said do yall believe in fate? And then he said, fate is when everything that we need comes to us at the perfect time.
And i guess all this came to me at the perfect time. I was so worried i wouldn’t get my classes at community college. And honestly, it was such a struggle to find classes because everything was filled. I spent hours and hours looking for online classes that could possibly fufill my pre reqs. I spent hours looking for volunteer opportunities, but somehow i clicked on a link that led me to a Summer Search fellowship in San Francisco. Not only was it a fellowship/internship, but i ended up getting paid and that was just a bonus.
I mean overall my goal was to have an amazing summer. And even though i didn’t do anything as “crazy” like go to the beach all the time and get tan, i've grown so much as a person. And at the end of the day, i think that’s the most valuable part. I learned so much in my anthropology classes about cultures and evolution, that it made me wanna get a masters in Psychological Anthropology. Yes that sounds nerdy, but i don’t care. I’ve learned so much about time management and how to manage working full time and going to school. Waking up at 5:30 AM to do homework, going to sleep on time, and kicking ass at the office. I’ve gotten such a wonderful opportunity to get to know each and everyone of the mentors at the office, and learn why they’re so passionate about what they do. I’ve had the chance to inspire students and be inspired by the strength and courage that summer searchers have. I have become more outspoken on issues that i'm passionate about, making me speak my mind in staff meetings of 15+ people. I've been challenged at my job, and have faced obstacles that have made me step back and reflect as a person. Not only making me want to improve, but making me want to be better than the person i was yesterday. Staff members have picked at my brain and made me change my perspective on how i can change my community. Why i do what i do. And how there’s power and privilege in this world. I guess everything ties together in a weird way. I had always “dreamed” of working at the summer search office, and somehow it’s happening now.
Even though it’s not the end of summer, i'm just happy my classes are over because i was so stressed out and i really pushed myself to the point where i was getting unhealthy, not eating, and not sleeping. It’s crazy how caught up we get with our lives, and forget about what we’ve accomplished. As i sit here, im just looking at the orange chegg box that has my two anthropology books. My official goal was to get two a’s in two classes. But i ended up getting a B. When i told my coworker this today, she asked me how i felt. And i told her i was sad, and she said i can tell steph.. i can see it in your face. But be proud of how far you’ve come and how difficult it was to manage everything.
Overall, im just feeling really grateful right now for the opportunities that life has given me. It’s one of those nights where im just like hey steph. Yes you might not get into your major, and you might have to switch. Yes your family is changing, and yes you are changing too. But i'm grateful for this moment and this summer.
i just really love to learn and my intellectual curiosity has led to me grow so much more than i expected this summer.
I HAD SUCH A GREAT FUCKIN WEEKEND
i spent the weekend in berkeley for my roomates birthday. I watched lucy and the purge. I saw my best friend since like a month. Miguels kickback was the ONEEE!! And i went to the carlos santana concert.
like, im so happy im done with finals and this was such a perfect week to make up for the six weeks I WAS UNDER A FUCKIN ROCK
and i was sick af but I WAS SUPERWOMAN AND STILL HAD FUN. I kid you not, i had a fever and sore throat. but nope. steph cannot be stopped
Back in the day when i didn’t gaf about my body. I used to ALWAYS go to china cook. This was a weekly thing in middle school and beginning of freshman year. I used to order the three meal combo with chow mein, fried rice, and sesame chicken. Every time i would go the same LADY would serve me. I’d ask for smaller pieces of sesame chicken because im weird like that, and she would literally be generous enough to go through and pick them out for me.
Today i went to china cook for the first time in YEARS. Possibly three years. When i walked in the same lady took my order. She looked at me and smiled, and said “I thought you moved? Do you not like china cook now?!” I stared at her, then smiled because i realized who she was. She continued packing the little box with food, and even though it’s been year.. she still looked for the tiny pieces of sesame chicken for me.
She looked up at me and said “You look different”. I asked how and she just laughed and said
"You’ve gotten more beautiful"